Ok, guys, since the last time I wrote SO much has
changed! Or, nothing has changed
depending on your perspective. Nothing
about my situation has really changed.
School is still hard, work is the same, I'm still not dating anyone, and I am still 2,500 miles away
from home. But, here is the beautiful
part. I have changed. I have been
happier over the last two months than I have been since my mission. It’s really pretty incredible! My attitudes and perspectives have changed,
my faith in the plan that Heavenly Father has for me has grown and I am
happy.
But, being happy doesn't mean that trials don’t still
come. Being happy doesn't mean that
everything is all rainbows and sunshine all the time. Last weekend and this weekend have presented
new trials for me and I feared that the happiness I have been developing would
shatter. I've cried. I've felt hurt. I have felt lonely. All of these things remind me of where I was
only a few short months ago. A place I
never want to return to. I feared that
because I was experiencing trials again that meant my short tryst with
happiness was gone.
Thankfully, I was
wrong.
I went for a walk this afternoon, to clear my head and pray. I ended up sitting on a rock by the Provo
River. The talk I had been listening to
ended and I sat in silent prayer talking to my Heavenly Father. I started to feel better and got up after a
while to continue my walk and as I did, I watched the river and I saw it with
new eyes. The river taught me something
today that I hadn't previously considered.
I call this lesson “The Parable of the River.” I know the name isn't very original, but that’s
ok.
As I sat on the rock looking out over the river, this is
what I saw.
I saw water rushing over
lots of rocks. The water was shallow
here and there were many rocks in the path of the flowing water. I was impressed that the water was moving so
quickly over the turbulent surface. As I
moved further up the river, I noticed an area where there were no rocks. The water flowed smoothly, unhindered by
rocks or debris. This is portion of the
river, the water still moved swiftly, but nowhere near as quickly as it has
been moving just a little ways down with all the rocks in the path.
I was impressed by the idea that the river flowed more swiftly
over obstacles than it did when it’s path was unhindered. I got thinking about the trials we all face
in life and compared my life to that river.
In life, I think it is easy to want our trials to go away, to want our
journey through life to be smooth and calm.
I’ve always thought I’d be happier if that was the case, but as I
watched the river today, I realized that it is the rocks, or trials, we
encounter that speed our progression.
Just like that river, if we go too long in life without facing a trial
or two our forward progression will slow and eventually stop. We will become stagnant and unable to become
anymore than we currently are. It is the
trials in our life that give us forward momentum.
I had always assumed that we were given breaks from trials,
periods of calm and peace, to help us recover from the turbulence we face in
the midst of hardship, trial, and learning processes, and in a way, I still
think that is true, but I've also realized that we need breaks from the calm to
begin to gain momentum in our progression again.
As I continued to walk along the river, I saw small areas
where the flow of water was unhindered, but by and far, the majority of the
river had to course over rocks and boulders.
As I continued along, I came to this:
Here, I saw the most turbulent water, but it was also the
place where the water gained most of its power and momentum. It gained the strength to move forward over
calm and rocky spots alike.
Sometimes in life, we face major trials that rock our
world. Sometimes they make us question
our testimonies. Sometimes we feel so
battered and broken afterwards that we can’t see a way to go on. Thankfully, these types of trials are fewer
and further between, but these trials are the ones that help us to grown and
change the most, that prepare us for the pitfalls and stumbles and falls we
will inevitably face. These trials are
the ones that push us through the calm phases of life that we love and
need.
The river taught me today that trials are necessary to
continue to move forward. If my
happiness had not been tried these past couple of weekends, it would have died
on its own. It would have become
stagnant and useless, but now because it has encountered a couple of rocks and
bumps, it has gained momentum and I can continue to enjoy my happiness as I
continue to learn and grow.
I know that trials aren't exactly fun, but they are
necessary and because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ we have been given the
tools we need to endure in happiness. I
know Jesus Christ lives and he is my personal Savior and friend. I know that Heavenly Father loves me and is
aware of my needs and desires and He has a plan that is centered on helping me
to gain eternal happiness. I know that
God lives and He love me. I see it is
the river, in the mountains, in the trials, in my friends and family, and always in the sunsets.
